Life looks different now...

"And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up."
- After the Storm
Mumford & Sons


This song is a piece of art that I cherish very much. Its lyrics are timeless and it teaches me how to be calm and patient as I wait on God.  It has taken a while for me to finally understand the power of faith. I see now that I cannot control my life, and that I shouldn't even want to. God has proven Himself time and time again, and His hands are the only hands that I will ever trust with my life. God is changing me into a completely different person. He has taught me how to truly love myself, by helping me understand the way that He loves me. He has revealed to me a pathway for my life that looks so much better than the one I would have chosen for myself.
For the longest time, I have desired to be an actress in film and to be a very accomplished choreographer. I have been determined to achieve these goals, whether God approved or not. I was always scared to give my dreams and desires over to God because I feared that I would never see my dreams come true. God has taught me so much throughout my life, but I feel that I have learned the most about myself in the last few weeks. I now see that giving my dreams and desires to God is one of the most freeing things I could possibly ever do for my life. A life that is controlled by my ways and my plans for myself offers no freedom in who God has created me to be. I have believed many lies fed to me throughout my life, but I can finally see through one of the biggest lies that I have believed for so long. The lie was the idea that I would never be happy unless I achieved my plans for my life. This lie kept me imprisoned in my own ways and kept me from believing in God's amazing plan for my life. My desire to see my dreams come true made me into a stone; unable to appreciate life in the present. 
For such a long time I have dreamed of a future that brought about answered dreams, freedom, and joy. But the amazing thing that I see now is that the future that I have been dreaming of is not a future that I could plan for myself. The future of answered dreams, freedom, and joy can only be given to me by my Creator. He knows EVERYTHING that I need. I have completely given over my desires to Him because I know that He knows what is best, even if that means that I will never see my plan for my life come to fruition. I understand faith more than I ever have, and I can only attribute this HUGE change in myself to God.  


"So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares for you...So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation" 1 Peter 5:10


This new journey of my life is about Him teaching me to walk day by day. One of my greatest fears is letting the present moment go by without striving for my ideal future. But the present is all that I have, and it is BEAUTIFUL. God is teaching me all of these things, and I thank Him for this. I now experience freedom on a daily basis, because God is here and now. God does want me to have a beautiful future, but He really wants me to find love and meaning in every moment that I am alive. He is teaching me to "walk by faith and not by sight", and I understand that this is the best possible way to live life! 



"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."


I dream of a future that brings true love, freedom, and many flowers. And I know that I can trust my Creator with EVERYTHING.