when you don't have the strength.

When you don't think things could get harder...they always do.

I can already tell that today is going to be a very hard day. I couldn't sleep last night because I just kept thinking about everything going on in my life, and how everything seems to be happening in the opposite way of what I want to happen. 

Is my life really about me learning how to deal with not having what I truly desire? That's what it feels like, especially today.  I have prayed over and over again that God would see my heart and really see the desires that are there, and that He would provide those things for me. So far, I still don't have the one thing that my heart longs for and I am stuck in this emotional state of "what the hell?" I feel frozen. Everyone in my life keeps telling me to find true happiness within myself, and to be thankful that I am still alive. They say to count all the blessings in my life and stop dwelling on the things that I don't have. But while I know how extremely blessed I am in life, I find it overwhelmingly difficult to be happy right now.

I honestly do not have the strength to handle much more of this, so here is what my prayer is for myself and anyone else who is feeling this way.  Making Christ my strength, is the only way that I am going to survive this.

"from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with the inner strength through His spirit. Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. You roots will grow down into God's love and KEEP YOU STRONG. And you will have the power to understand...how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God"

Ephesians 3

As my sister told me, "pray this into your life". Together we can hope and pray that God will show us His amazing love.

Emily